About Me
- Name: Sagepaper
- Location: United States
An only child and service-brat, I was born in Panama. We lived on Indian Reservations when I was two to four-and-a-half -- crucial years for social development. Culturally, I am a mixed-up White Eyes from Mescalero. I began college at fifteen, enjoying a luxurious seven years of rigorous liberal arts education. Since graduating with a B.A. in Psychology, I have avidly read non-fiction, adding enormously to my formal education. Disabled by Tourette's Syndrome and other conditions, I live in Atlanta's suburbia. My father and husband are both physicians, and share a consulting business. (I am very proud of what they do, but I mention their occupations because people cannot seem to move to another small-talk topic if I simply say I am disabled. They must be told an occupation, and will start asking about family members to get one.)
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Herein find essays, musings, Haiku, and other traditional poetry.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
About "Foiled Again"
Now I have to go convince my nicotine receptors that they will be all right because of the patch, and we can cancel the whole store thing. First, I'm going to get into PJ's so my addiction understands we are not leaving the house. If that sounds faintly nuts, don't worry. I tend to recover from my stress reaction after a week if I fail to quit smoking, and after two weeks if I succeed.
I bought some groceries, and might splurge on getting something delivered. I am not leaving this house unless I absolutely have to go. Unfortunately, we are experiencing some rough weather. I will not deploy as part of Skywarn until I think I can go out without bringing cigarettes home -- or even smoking that infamous "just one" and throwing the pack away.
I hyper-smoke(LOVE that term) when my in-laws visit. My sister-in-law is extremely hyper and you never know when she'll "go off" on everybody. This makes ME nervous, so I smoke more.
I HATE how smoking controls my life. I always have to make sure that I have enough cigs to make it through the next day and gee maybe I should run out and get 1 more pack, just in case. Better hurry before the store closes. This slavery just plain SUCKS!
Your PJs idea is really clever
Since it was inevitable that I would smoke later in the week, I just took my patch off and bought a pack.
There is hope, though. My doctor is out of town this week, but will be back again next week. I am going to ask her for an increase in the level of Transxene I am taking. That should calm my anxiety and make me less irritable. I have only recently tried it. The only concern about increasing the dose would be whether it would make me sleepy. We aren't there yet, by a long shot.
In fact, I sometimes wish I could just be knocked unconscious for a few weeks while my body goes through withdrawal. I'm sure there would be nasty side-effects from anything like that, though. I guess I'll have to keep trying to tough it out.
Thanks for not snickering!
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