Sagepaper

Great White Bear wrote that he, as father, is the only parent of his children. Their mother is unreliable. His children are grown, except his daughter Shelley. They have a cat who recently delivered a single kitten. The kitten died in the night, and his daughter came to him sobbing uncontrollably. At lunchtime the next day they had a funeral and burial for the kitten. His daughter continued sobbing whenever he was at work. She blames herself for the kitten's death. The mother cat is poignantly bereft as well.

Great White Bear worried about what would have happened if she had found him, instead of kitten. He says his age, health, and occupation place that within the realm of possibilities. He realizes his daughter hasn't the necessary education and life-skills to make it on her own. He wonders how he can put her through a crash course of Life 101. Many compassionate visitors to his site have offered condolences and advice. I approach the matter differently from the others. I hope this will be useful:

I don't know Shelley's age, but you describe her siblings as grown and gone. I assume she is a teen at home. One of the best things you can do for her is be yourself, and sustain the good relationship you have now. I know this sounds hokey, but you can't tell her it's not her fault the kitten died and then "punish" her by teaching her rough lessons of life.

The most important thing a person can learn is how to learn. We each need to know how to ask the right questions to get the right information. I have a secret trick for when I am in waaay over my head. I ask the expert one final question: "Is there anything else that I should have asked?" Many people don't expect that question, but will think a moment and open up their storehouse of knowledge.

The questioning is just an example. The truth is, she needs a liberal arts education both in and out of school. If she trains for a good paying job, and the economy shifts, she might have to train for a different job. People these days are going through several career changes. The only way to be able to take anything life dishes out is an inner core of strength (which your love provides) and the ability to learn.

Regarding the kitten, I have a strange way of looking at things. I accept that God is omnibenevolent. Everything that happens is a kindness. We just aren't always in the right place to see the mercy. Perhaps the kitten died softly with its mother, in a loving home, because it was otherwise destined to suffer a great trauma and tremendous pain, possibly all alone. I don't know why the kitten's death was merciful, but it was.

Perhaps you recognize the mercy of your daughter's grief. As you pointed out, it was not you whom she found. Now you are thinking to protect her more. These tears will dry in time. Your protective reaction will be engraved on your daughter's heart for the rest of her life.

BTW I'm a Daddy's girl!