Sagepaper

TSHSMom wrote about her son Z, who is being home-schooled. The main point she made was that there is good socialization, and bad socialization. Being bullied is bad for healthy socialization. This often means that extracurricular social contact for the home-schooled might be superior to the "socialization" they would get in school.

Z knows he has Tourette's. He and his parents are already way ahead of the game. I was not diagnosed until age 32, despite having a moderate to severe case. I had a hard time in schools. No matter what I did, or tried, I did not fit in; was disliked by teachers; was bullied by students; and unprotected by administrators. Many times I wondered at the irony, as I spit blood from my mouth, of being beaten for being the teacher's pet: trust me, I wasn't. In retrospect, I can see how Tourette's syndrome offered me many difficulties and trials.

I would lengthen my introduction, but there is enough here to read. This is the comment I posted on TSHSMom's Blog:

I traveled around a lot as a kid. I was in many different school systems. In all but one, a rural Oklahoma school, it became evident that my defense was my problem. I always got the short end of the stick from teachers.

The best example of this happened in Maryland, at an open school (a hideous and failed program). A girl two years my senior came up to me with friends in-tow, and began bullying me. I was a smart-ass, and mouthed-off to her, embarrassing her in front of her friends. She slapped me hard across the face.

The school had been trying to reduce MY aggressive behavior, and had told me not to fight back, but to go tell a teacher. I went and told on the girl. I was told by the teacher that someone as smart as me should know better than to provoke another child who was bigger than myself. I told my parents. They called the school, and complained that no disciplinary action had been taken against the other girl.

Next day, the teacher got the other girl and me together, and lectured us both. Fighting was not allowed, but it was better to stop it before it began. She handled the matter unevenly, leaving the blame still with me.

A few days passed, and the girl and her friends approached me again. She was angry that I had told and gotten her in trouble. I said something like, "You got yourself in trouble." She then called me many derogatory things. As I listened, I observed that I was feeling provoked. I punched her in the nose.

The teacher was livid with me. I parroted back to her her own rules, and called on nearby witnesses who said I had been provoked. It mattered not. I was sent directly to the principal's office, and my mother was called.

So, the real rules were that anyone could treat me anyway they liked with impunity, and if I were the least deviant from a perfect young lady { Not a possible standard for a Tourettic }, I was susceptible to the wrath of anyone near me.

To say the least, things like this interaction often emboldened my tormentors. In this particular case, I had caused the other girl enough pain that she no longer bothered me. That was ultimately the take-home message.

There is only so much trouble you can be in. If I got the max for pushing someone, there was little more that could be done to me for leaving them gasping and crying on the ground. If I only pushed, the bullying would continue. If I dropped a bully, they would leave me alone.

Regarding bad socialization, most of my friends and I were turned inside-out over Columbine. The whole nation was stricken. But my friends and I were horrified to observe that we had more empathy for the gunmen than for their classmates and teachers. Bullying must not be tolerated. It can harden a soft heart and warp a bright mind.